♡Male Privilege and Rape Culture♡

Being a young female nearly every day I witness and am occasionally a 'victim' of male privilege. A lot of male friends I have don't necessarily believe that such a thing exists in this day and age but that is simply because they themselves never are negatively effected by it.

To give you a better understanding of what I am talking about, male privilege is saying "I have a boyfriend" being the only thing that stops a man from hitting on you because they have more respect for another man than respect for your lack of interest and rejection. There have been countless amounts of times when I myself go out and have to come up with stories so that a man would leave me alone, this even happens to men that are really nice but they just have this idea that what they want they can have. This has happened to me on numerous occasions as well - a man has become somewhat interested in me and has made out with me without my consent. They did it in not a malicious way and they weren't meaning to be harmful but because they think that it's a 'romantic' thing to do, or, again, because they think they can just get what they want.

There is also the idea of 'cock blocking' - both my friends and I have experienced being called a 'cock block'. We'll be at a bar, pub or club and one of us gets unwelcomed advances from a guy so another one of us steps in to get rid of him, then having them call us a 'cock block'. In actual fact half the time the friend doing the 'cock blocking' was following orders from the friend that the guy is hitting on. When going out we tend to  have two signals for our friends: "I'm into him" and "Help me outta this!!!". The amount of "get me out of here" tactics that women have among their friends should be enough evidence of the fact that rape culture does exist.

I don't want to make this post the length of an essay but just quickly for those who don't know what rape culture is, it is an environment where rape is prevalent and sexual violence against women is normalised and excused in both media and popular culture. This kind of culture is preserved through the use of misogynistic language, objectifying women's bodies and also glamourising sexual violence - this all creates a society that disregards the safety and rights of women. Most women and girls limit their behaviour because of the existence of rape, even unknowingly. Women do this through not walking down certain streets, holding their keys in their hand as a weapon when they walk alone just in case, locking all of their car doors when they get in their care at a parking lot etc and most of this is done without women realising as it has become just a part of their every day routine. This cycle of fear is the legacy of rape culture.

Some examples of rape culture are blaming the victim, triviliasing sexual assault, sexually explicit jokes, tolerance of sexual harassment, publicly scrutinising a victims dress, mental state, motives and history, assuming only promiscuous women get raped, refusing to take rape accusations seriously, assuming that men don't get raped and teaching women how to avoid getting raped instead of teaching men not to rape.

While all of this sounds negative and dark there are ways that you can combat rape culture! You can avoid using language that objectifies or degrades women, think critically about the media's messages about women, men, relationships and violence, speak out if you hear someone else making an offensive joke or triviliasing rape and by defining your own womanhood or manhood, not letting stereotypes shape your actions! These are just a few way that we can change society for the better.

Lots of love,

xx

♡Slut Shaming♡

An issue that has been around for a while now that always makes me frustrated is slut shaming. It's not just the ignorant that tend to do it either - I know so many pro-feminist women who have many a bad thing to say about a woman's choices which is ridiculous because there are so many people out there, especially the patriarchal society that we live in, that limits our choices as women and shame us for making choices that they don't approve of themselves.

So for those that don't know what slut shaming is, it is when people judge women for having sex with "too many people", having sex with people that "aren't their partner" and even for wearing particular things or acting a particular way. When it comes to costumes, clothing, and sexual behavior, women are judged by a very different rubric than men. This is not to say that men are't judged at all, because of course they are to some degree but if a woman is to have a lot of sex people label her as a "whore", “dirty”, "slut", etc and many people believe that women with these labels don't deserve to be treated with respect and they also believe that this means they can say whatever they want about that woman or to that woman.

Obvisouly when it comes to men some people may use the terms “manslut” or “manwhore” but the consequences for the  man being called these things are not nearly as extreme and they are not disrespected nearly as much as women who are called similar names. He won’t be degraded, bullied, or have lies and rumours spread about him and his reputation won’t be destroyed in response because I mean, c'mon, that's just what men do right? They can't and shouldn't control their urges, right? They're just sex crazy right? No no no no no. Patriarchy is damaging to men as well as women because of these ideas.

Slut shaming is another way of controlling women and telling them what they are and are not allowed to do. Women who slut shame each other is an example of internalised sexism which is harmful when it comes to women's relationships with each other. After all, women are in this together and instead should be helping each other instead of harming each other.
Slut shaming pits women against each other and creates a divide. Instead of building women up and cultivating healthy friendships, slut shame turns women against each other so that the slut-shamer can prove she’s “not like that” and therefore worthy of respect.  It puts women into harmful categories based on nothing more than how someone dresses or is perceived by others.

It also limits women's freedoms and choices because if a woman "breaks the rules" in regards to how you or society believes, for some bizarre reason, they have to dress and have to behave then you are basically saying that they don't have the same rights as men and cannot do what they want unless they want to "pay the price".

An alarming fact is that because people see “sluts” as unworthy of respect, people believe that they are therefore not entitled to say no.  In this mentality, “sluts” become a target of harassment, assault, and even rape.  After the violence, the woman is occasionally blamed for it.  After all, she was just a dumb slut….she asked for it, right?

I am interested to hear what you guys think!

Lots of love,

♡Boobs♡

Sorry for the delayed post but I've been fairly busy:

♡ Finishing a major final assignment for uni
♡ Picking up extra shifts for work
♡ Working at an internship I was recently offered
♡ Procrastinating from studying A LOT

I have my final exam next week and after that I will be able to post a LOT more, yay! All that aside, I'm back and there's something that I wrote a little while ago that I wanted to share with you guys! It's something that I believe strongly about too.

Boobs. Breasts. Tits. Mammaries – many women have them, whatever you like to call them and there is an everlasting debate over them, the debate over natural vs. unnatural.

Personally when I think of plastic surgery and breast enhancements I just think “You go for it gurl! As long as it is your own decision, you’re not being pressured into it and it’s not to make anyone else happy but yourself… Heck! If it’s to make someone else happy that’s ok too, as long as you’re not being persuaded by someone else and it is still your own decision at the end of the day!”

I know many people disagree with this opinion, one of them being my mum, but just hear me out for a second. A few weeks ago my mum and I were watching Big Brother (don’t judge me, I’m a people watcher, I find them interesting) and one of the female intruders once had an operation to have her boobs enlarged a couple of sizes. When the contestants were discussing it my mum said, “Hang on, is she meant to be the smart one?”

‘Yeah, she’s the lawyer,” I replied.

“Well she’s not very smart if she did that then!”

I paused for a second after hearing this. Did my mother, the strong feminist, hardworking, intelligent, kind, compassionate and beautiful woman just say that?

“Mum, just because she got a boob job doesn’t mean she isn’t smart.”

I was shocked to hear that come from her mouth, one of my earliest memories was her teaching me about feminism and gender equality at the tender age of four.

“She’s simply morphing into the unrealistic standards of women’s bodies that society and men have. She’s feeding the problem!”

I mulled her words over for a bit and realised that we both have grown up in completely different eras of feminism. My mother was a young woman in the 70s, when many women said “Screw you!” to the patriarchy and refused to conform to the norm as they did not shave and burnt their bras. This was in comparison to me, who as a feminist and as a human being believes that women should be able to do whatever they want as long as they are not hurting themselves or anyone else. I believe that this new wave of feminists mainly hold the idea that women can do what they want when they want. There are already enough people in the world policing our bodies, us as women don’t need to be doing it as well. We need to stick together and be supportive of one another, whatever our decisions may be, even if we don’t agree with them.

The world is changing and our views need to change along with it. Although I understand what my mum meant and where she was coming from, I didn’t agree with it. Our discussion just showed our differences in regards to feminism. People are already not accepting enough of others as it is, we should not be adding to the problem.

No matter what shape or size we are or how we identify ourselves, no matter what our skin colour is or no matter what our appearance may be, we all deserve to be treated as equals, fake boobs or no fake boobs.

I am interested in what you think on this topic too guys! Do you disagree/agree? Why or why not?

Next post we will be back with regular programming. I have a few posts in the works too for you guys to look forward to such as a Mac lipstick review, a post about slut shaming, a review for a bracelet from Etsy and a post on why I chose to go Vegan, just to name a few.

I hope you're all well!

♡Issues With Robin Thickes 'Blurred Lines'♡

Hi guys! This post is just short and sweet but I just wanted to share these video with you guys just in case you haven't seen them. They pretty much sum up my opinion of Robin Thicke and his song Blurred Lines.

If after seeing these videos you still don't understand the issue I have with it, comment below and I'll write a more detailed blog post.

xx

♡Grrrl Power♡

Hiya guys :)

So this post here is one for me when I was younger. It's also for young women now, it's for all women! Yes, it's a tad bit lengthy but I believe it's a really important read.

This is a post that I wish I had read when I was younger, it's also how I wish I thought when I was in the middle of my teen years.

Society has tried to make us women fit in certain boxes for pretty much all of history. I am not 100 percent sure why but a part of me thinks it's because of fear.

Fear of what us women can do. 

We are powerful, we really are and, yes men are great too but I think the male leaders of the world from both the past and the present fear our capabilites.

We have the ability to juggle and do so much.

We can be mothers.

We can work hard.

We can work damn hard.
We are compassionate and passionate.

We have strong thoughts, desires and beliefs.

Yes, men and women should be treated as equals but not equally.

Women and men are different and those differences need to be addressed, instead of the needs of women being ignored and without us being told that we're 'not good enough' or that we should change certain aspects of ourselves so as to be what society wants us to be.
My mum would always say this to me growing up, "You are beautiful on the outside, but more importantly, you are beautiful on the inside," which I loved hearing. She tried to put a lot more emphasis on who I was as a person rather than what I looked like as I was growing up, which was great.

Women, you are all beautiful.
Heck, if you want to be ugly, in a non-destructive way, then that's ok too! Ugly isn't necessarily bad, it's just we live in a society that is obsessed with beauty.

You should love every bit of yourself and I mean that.

I have have seen so many young girls hurt so badly due to ridiculous expectations that have been put on themselves because society has drowned them with thoughts, images and expectations pretty much as soon as they were born and it is something I have experienced personally too.

We can complain about these things but change has to start with us.

Be loud.

Be passionate.

Stand up for yourself and women everywhere.

Ignore medias expectations, ignore mens expectations, ignore anyone elses expectations.

You are you and that is great!
I could go on forever here but I think I'll stop now before I become even more passionate.
Remember, there is no shame in being who you are, liking what you like, eating what you like and wearing what you like.
No one has the right to make yourself feel ashamed of who you are, not even yourself.

These are some excellently beautiful quotes I have come across, definitely worth a read:

"I don’t know why people are so reluctant to say they’re feminists. Maybe some women just don’t care. But how could it be any more obvious that we still live in a patriarchal world when feminism is a bad word? Feminism always gets associated with being a radical movement – good. It should be."

Ellen Page from her Guardian interview “Why are people so reluctant to say they’re feminists?”

"Apologize to your body.

maybe,

that’s where the healing begins."

Starting, Nayyirah Waheed

“I swear to god I will lose my mind if I hear the “sex sells” fallacy one more time. Sex does not sell. If sex sold, we would see penises where we see boobs. Naked men would be on everything that naked women are on. Sex isn’t what they’re selling you. They’re selling you an impossible, pornographically fueled misogynistic idea of the perfect woman.”

“The fact that you’re struggling doesn’t make you a burden. It doesn’t make you unloveable or undesirable or undeserving of care. It doesn’t make you too much or too sensitive or too needy. It makes you human. Everyone struggles. Everyone has a difficult time coping, and at times, we all fall apart. During these times, we aren’t always easy to be around — and that’s okay. No one is easy to be around one hundred percent of the time. Yes, you may sometimes be unpleasant or difficult. And yes, you may sometimes do or say things that make the people around you feel helpless or sad. But those things aren’t all of who you are and they certainly don’t discount your worth as a human being. The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved. You can be difficult and still be cared for. You can be less than perfect, and still be deserving of compassion and kindness.”

—	Daniell Koepke

"How to talk to your daughter about her body, step one: don’t talk to your daughter about her body, except to teach her how it works.

Remind your daughter that the best thing she can do with her body is to use it to mobilize her beautiful soul. Don’t say anything if she’s lost weight. Don’t say anything if she’s gained weight.

If you think your daughter’s body looks amazing, don’t say that. Here are some things you can say instead:

“You look so healthy!” is a great one.

Or how about, “you’re looking so strong.”

“I can see how happy you are – you’re glowing.”

Better yet, compliment her on something that has nothing to do with her body.

Don’t comment on other women’s bodies either. Nope. Not a single comment, not a nice one or a mean one.

Teach her about kindness towards others, but also kindness towards yourself.

Don’t you dare talk about how much you hate your body in front of your daughter, or talk about your new diet. In fact, don’t go on a diet in front of your daughter. Buy healthy food. Cook healthy meals. But don’t say “I’m not eating carbs right now.” Your daughter should never think that carbs are evil, because shame over what you eat only leads to shame about yourself.

Encourage your daughter to run because it makes her feel less stressed. Encourage your daughter to climb mountains because there is nowhere better to explore your spirituality than the peak of the universe. Encourage your daughter to surf, or rock climb, or mountain bike because it scares her and that’s a good thing sometimes.

Help your daughter love soccer or rowing or hockey because sports make her a better leader and a more confident woman. Explain that no matter how old you get, you’ll never stop needing good teamwork. Never make her play a sport she isn’t absolutely in love with.

Prove to your daughter that women don’t need men to move their furniture.

Teach your daughter how to cook kale.

Teach your daughter how to bake chocolate cake made with six sticks of butter.

Pass on your own mom’s recipe for Christmas morning coffee cake. Pass on your love of being outside.

Maybe you and your daughter both have thick thighs or wide ribcages. It’s easy to hate these non-size zero body parts. Don’t. Tell your daughter that with her legs she can run a marathon if she wants to, and her ribcage is nothing but a carrying case for strong lungs. She can scream and she can sing and she can lift up the world, if she wants."

—	skoppelkam on Wordpress

xx